


Third Time's A Charm

by Dolimir



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-22
Updated: 2011-06-22
Packaged: 2017-10-20 15:41:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolimir/pseuds/Dolimir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever read a story and just desperately wanted to play in that universe? Of course you have. You all write fanfiction. Heh!</p><p>Anyway, Liviapenn wrote <a href="http://liviapenn.livejournal.com/222661.html#cutid1">Punch-Drunk Love, or the Third Mrs. Luthor</a>.</p><p>I adore this story! However, as a family law paralegal, I knew that Lex and Clark couldn't just go to the courthouse and get their marriage annulled. A muse started following me around and whispering in my ear, driving me crazy. So finally, to shut the muse up, I wrote Livia and asked her if I could play in her universe, thinking she'd say she'd rather I didn't and I could shove the muse in a box. But she didn't. Being the generous soul she is, she said, "Sure." Although we agreed that I wouldn't call it a sequel...that really is for her to write.</p><p>So, let's consider this a possible AU ending to her story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Third Time's A Charm

"What do you mean we can't get it annulled?" Lex asked, struggling not to raise his voice.

The strawberry blonde clerk behind the marriage records counter looked flustered. "I'm sorry; I'm not explaining myself very well. Obviously, you can get the marriage annulled. Just not here."

"You mean you can't just tear it up?" Clark asked, giving her his best puppy dog expression.

The woman shook her head apologetically. "I'm sorry, but marriage, even one performed here in Sin City, is serious business. If you want to get it annulled, you'll need to see an attorney."

Lex closed his eyes and swayed slightly against the counter. Without thought, Clark reached out to steady him. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Lex said quietly. "We're both morons."

"If it's any consolation," the clerk said, her voice dropping to a whisper, as she looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was listening, "the Graceland Chapel hasn't come in yet with their records from last night. If you can somehow convince them..." She let the sentence hang in the air.

"What time do they normally come in?" Clark asked, picking up on the innuendo before Lex did.

"About this time," the clerk said. "Normally, it's Gina. She was a show girl about twenty years ago. Jet black hair. Lots of make-up. Wears a "G" on her shirt like Laverne did."

"Laverne?" Lex asked, frowning.

"Laverne and Shirley," Clark supplied absently.

"She drives a silver 1968 Corvette, claims some big shot gave it to her back in the day."

"Thank you," Clark dropped his gaze to her name tag, "Teresa. You've been a big help." Clark grabbed Lex by the elbow and headed for the main entrance.

"Good luck, boys," she called after them.

Lex's pace slowed as they moved into the hot desert air. He opened his mouth to speak, but Clark cut him off with a shake of his head. "Do you trust me?"

Searching Clark's eyes, curiosity and a slight trace of fear coloring his face, Lex simply nodded.

"Okay, then. I want you to go back to the hotel."

"What are you talking about? We have to--"

Clark put two fingers over Lex's lips. "Trust me, husband."

"Hus--"

"Please."

Lex nodded. "How will--"

"I'll meet you there."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Lex paced back and forth beside his bed and looked at his watch for the hundredth time. It had been two hours since he left Clark at City Hall. Two hours he had used to contemplate how very, very bad their situation was. Lionel's reaction would no doubt be spectacular; however, the thought of Martha's disappointed eyes was enough to wipe the growing smirk off his face. He frowned, trying to remember if the sheriff had actually confiscated Jonathan's shotgun after his painful, but brief, marriage to Desiree.

He also wondered if he held some sort of record for number of shortest marriages on file.

A sharp rap on his door jolted him out of his reverie. He couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped his lips when he flung the door open and found Clark standing in the hallway with a grin on his face.

Lex pulled him into the room without preamble and shut the door behind him. "I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Ta-da!" Clark said with a flourish as he handed Lex two sheets of paper. "The top one is what would have been filed with the court, the bottom one is from the chapel's files and we already have the third copy."

"How--"

"Ah-ah. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."

Lex swallowed hard as he looked down at the papers in his hands. "And the register book?"

"Both signatures are so illegible as to be useless. Apparently, neither one of us would win any penmanship awards while drunk."

"So it's really over?" Lex asked quietly.

Clark placed a video cassette tape in Lex's hands. "Yes."

They stood silently, searching each other's faces.

"Clark, you know--"

"I'm thinking steak."

"What?" Lex asked, confused.

"Hey, I was married to one of the wealthiest men on the planet. I think the least I should get out of the deal is a primo steak dinner." Clark gave him a slow wicked grin.

"I can do steak."

“And a loaded baked potato.”

“Of course.”

“And dessert.”

“Am I going to be able to afford this settlement?” Lex asked, amused.

“Maybe you should start counting your quarters now.”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

 **GRADUATION**

"Lex, you came!" Clark shouted happily as he worked his way through the milling crowd of graduates and their parents.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Lex asked, warmed by Clark's exuberant greeting.

Clark shrugged. "I dunno. I can't imagine anything more boring than sitting through a high school graduation ceremony."

"I found the experience...enlightening."

"Oh?" Clark raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Well, I wasn't sober for mine, so it was interesting to hear what actually gets said during one of these events."

Clark bumped his shoulder against Lex's. "And?"

"What makes you think there's an 'and'?"

"I heard it in your voice."

Lex rolled his gaze heavenward. "I will admit to wanting to see how many seniors actually survived to graduate, considering how many of them have mutated over the years or been eaten by their companions."

For reasons he couldn't quite understand, Clark blushed. "At least the mayor didn't turn into a big snake and try to eat everyone."

"Don't think I wasn't prepared for that possibility."

"How sad is it to admit that I was too?" Clark laughed, then paused significantly. "And?"

"Why, Clark, are you begging for your graduation gift?"

Clark immediately looked contrite, but before he could speak, Lex cut him off by tossing him a set of keys.

"What's this?" Clark asked seriously, although his eyes danced with anticipation.

"A truck. Red. Slightly out of date, seeing as it's four years old."

"Lex, my parents--"

"One, you're nineteen. Two, you've graduated. And three, it's the least I can do for my husband on his high school graduation."

"Are you always this generous to your exes?"

"Only the ones who don't try to kill me."

"I'll have to file that tidbit away for the future reference."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hey Lex," Chloe greeted distractedly from the computer.

"Miss Sullivan," Lex acknowledged as he stepped into Clark's dorm room. "Where's Clark?"

"On a date," she said, looking up when silence was her only answer. "He's letting me borrow his computer because my roommate is doing her chanting thing again. Normally, I'm all for spiritual enlightenment, but I have a deadline and since Clark wasn't expecting to come home tonight he said I could use his."

Lex smirked. "So young Mr. Kent is expecting to get lucky, is he?"

Chloe returned the grin. "Yeah, he and Brad have been dancing around each other for weeks now. I think he said something about taking the bull by the horns...or whatever. I'm so not going there. I’m just happy to get some quiet quality time with a computer. Lex? Lex, are you okay?" she asked when she noticed the CEO sway slightly against the door.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I'm just a little tired."

"Well, go home and get some sleep. I'll tell Clark you stopped by."

Lex nodded and turned to leave. "Just where was Clark going tonight?"

"Heaven," Chloe said, waving him off distractedly, already concentrating on her story again.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Despite the wild rumors and innuendo that floated around the city about his rebellious teen years, Lex had, in fact, only slept with women. There was the one misunderstanding with a transvestite, but it hadn't gone too far and he/she had been more than understanding when he couldn't reciprocate the rather spectacular blow job he had received.

He liked women. He liked their softness, their curves and the way they melted against him when they submitted to their passions. He loved the way they smelled and their silky tightness when he sank into them.

So why was he stalking through a gay bar like a jealous husband?

Lex swallowed hard, realizing he had answered his own question.

Had he lost his mind? Yes, he and Clark had shared a kiss in the cab in front of the courthouse; and there had also been the kiss in the chapel's garden the morning they discovered they were actually married, but nothing else had ever evolved. He had bought Clark a spectacularly expensive steak dinner and they had exchanged witticisms on what it would have meant for Clark to become a Luthor, or even what would have been expected of his being an ex-Luthor if the public had found out about their marriage, but it had never progressed beyond teasing.

Clark was his best friend; sometimes Lex thought Clark might even be his only friend. It took a brave soul to befriend a Luthor and Lex considered what he had with Clark to be precious. Sure they flirted, they always had. It didn't mean anything. Did it?

Lex stopped pushing his way through the crowd as soon as he spotted Clark dancing with a tall blond cowboy. Their bodies swayed rhythmically back and forth, the space between them was practically non-existent, almost as if they were having sex on the dance floor. One of the cowboy's hands was on Clark's hip, while Clark's arms were in the air, over his head, dancing so sensually, so at ease, that Lex blinked twice to make sure it was the same boy he knew, the one who always seemed to be so at unease with his size and presence.

While he watched, Clark turned his back to Brad, for Lex was sure the cowboy was his date. Brad's hands splayed over Clark's stomach and Clark ground his ass against the thrusting cowboy's hips, while Clark encircled his hands back around Brad's head.

Lex was moving before he could find his breath again, stopping only when he had reached the dancing couple.

"Lex!" Clark said, startled, quickly lowering his arms and blushing furiously.

"Clark," Lex acknowledged dryly.

"Wha-Who is this guy?" Brad asked, a frown growing on his face as he realized his mating dance with Clark had stopped.

"What are you doing here?" Clark stammered out, while at the same time raising his hand over his shoulder and trying to shush his date.

Flicking his thumb toward the door, Lex asked, "Can we talk?"

"Look, pal, we're on a date here," Brad said, ignoring Clark's request for silence. "So unless this is an emergency, shove off."

"Look, pal," Lex repeated, using the same condescending tone, "I don't think it's too much to ask to be allowed to talk to my husband for five minutes, do you?" With that he turned and walked back through the crowd, but not before he heard Brad's startled protest.

"Husband? You didn't tell me you were married, Kent."

Clark caught him before he reached the front of the club. "Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

Lex looked pointedly at Clark's grip on his jacket, but Clark refused to let him go. "Can we discuss this outside?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, I think we should." Clark propelled them out of the club into the crisp autumn air. Once they were outside, he moved them down the sidewalk and around the corner before he released Lex and shoved him, none to gently, against the outer wall of the club. "You want to explain what the fuck you're doing here?"

"Does your mother know you use language like that?" Lex asked softly, strangely relieved when he saw Clark blush. "I thought not."

Clark's gaze snapped back up, angry once again. "You didn't answer my question."

"I stopped by your room earlier this evening. Chloe told me you were out."

"Yeah," Clark said expectantly.

Lex remained silent, realizing he really hadn’t given his strategy as much forethought as he probably should have. His only thought had been to get Brad to stop dry humping his husband.

Clark gaze softened. "You're a CEO of a major corporation."

Lex nodded.

"You have a political destiny, remember?"

"I know."

"You're not gay," Clark said gently.

"I didn't think you were into labels."

"You're changing the subject."

"So, I am."

Clark smiled for the first time. "Why are you here, Lex?"

Lex rubbed one hand over his mouth and chin. "I was stopping you from committing adultery."

A soft smile spread over Clark's face. "We aren't married anymore."

"Technically, that's not true."

Clark looked startled. "What do you mean? I kept the paperwork from being filed and removed all evidence of the ceremony from the chapel."

"We still exchanged vows, Clark. While no one knows what we did, it doesn't change the fact that we made a commitment to each other."

"We were drunk. Hell, neither of us even remembers saying the words."

"I have the tape."

"What are you saying, Lex?"

"I'm saying that until you initiate a divorce or annulment proceeding, we're still married."

"We're still..." Clark blinked in astonishment. "Wait a minute, you said, unless *I* initiated a proceeding. Are you saying you want to be married to me?"

"I'm just stating facts." Lex pushed himself off the brick wall and started to walk down the street. Clark, however, pushed him back against the building again.

"Oh, no, you don't. You went out of your way to ruin this date for me, to inform me that we're still married. Why is that?"

Lex swallowed hard, but couldn't bring himself to look Clark in the face.

"Lex."

"I--" he started, but didn’t know what to say.

"Do you even know how you feel?"

Lex shook his head. After a moment, he looked up at Clark, the beginnings of a smile gracing his face. "But you're already my longest marriage."

"I didn't realize we were still married until five minutes ago," Clark countered.

"Probably the reason for our success."

"Lex," Clark whispered.

Sighing, Lex hoped he didn't look as confused as he felt.

"When do I get my rock?" Clark asked with a sly grin.

Lex chuckled softly. "Do you really want a rock? If you aren't used to that kind of jewelry, you'll snag it on everything."

"Actually," Clark said taking a step closer to him, "I'm thinking simple gold bands would work better."

"Not quite as ostentatious either," Lex agreed.

Clark leaned in closer, his lips millimeters above Lex's. "So you're saying we're--"

"Going to see if this marriage can be salvaged."

Nuzzling Lex's cheek with his own, Clark asked in a soft whisper, "You realize that implies that we're eventually going to--"

"Geez, Clark, marriage is more than just sex," Lex said, trying for amused, but ended up sounding breathless instead.

"You know, technically, we're still newlyweds," Clark countered, pressing his body against Lex's.

"So we are."

Clark brushed his mouth languorously over Lex's lips, barely dipping his tongue past Lex's teeth, smiling when Lex gasped. "You know it's too late to get me to sign a prenup. I'm thinking you better do right by me."

Lex nipped at Clark's lips as Clark started to pull back, then said seriously, “I know I’m not being fair, Clark. I also know that this isn't going to easy or even pleasant for you. You're going to be thrust into the public eye. People will say awful things to you not only because of your orientation but because of me. You'll have Lionel as a father-in-law."

"You'll have dad."

"Does he still have his shotgun?"

"Yes."

"You don’t have to--”.

"I know," Clark said quietly. “But I want to. We'll just take it one day at a time."

"You're already my most understanding spouse."

"I told you third time was a charm."


End file.
